Drones are a President’s Best Friend (and missiles too!)

Hey all, it’s Donnie Drunkard comin’ at you from Bob’s Beer and Billiards. Today’s topic is drones and why they are a good thing.

Let me give you an example. My neighbor is a complete jerk. This guy has one of those really loud leaf blowers and he is out there every damn day, blowing sh*t around. It is really irritating when a guy wants to sit in his backyard and throw back a few cold beverages. With that damn leaf blower I already have a headache even before the hangover sets in!

It get’s worse. He yells at me over the fence, just because I am having a few friends over and we are having a good time swilling beer, making jokes and cooking hot dogs on the barbeque. He has no sense of fun.

Last week he cut down part of my hedge since he claimed, I never trimmed it and it is now all over his lawn. Come on man! Hedges gotta be free!

If I had a drone, that douchebag would be toast! I am gonna call my pal Donald Trump and ask him if he can spare a drone for the afternoon. All I need is one hellfire missile strike and my life would be good again.

My uncle Toby says I should put a propane tank on a stick, throw it over the backyard and then shoot it, to get the same effect. That seems a bit dangerous. The last time Uncle Toby pulled a stunt like that he set his dog on fire and it ran into the house and burned up the kitchen. Seems to me a hellfire missile fired from a drone is a lot more precise.

My pal Donald Trump, could solve a lot of his problems, with a few well-placed drone strikes. Once you do that, it kinda sets a tone, if you know what I mean. No more criticism and cheap shots. He would get the respect he deserves or he would light your ass on fire.

By the way, I am still available for National Security Advisor, if my pal Donald Trump needs my help. See you next time…. and behave!

-DD

Editor’s Note: Donnie has more to say on April 9, 2017

Hey all you loyal Trumpists, its Donnie Drunkard here. I just watched the cool video of missiles being fired at Syria. Disappointed they didn’t take out my neighbour, but hey at least Donald Trump got to fire off about 90 million dollars worth of hardware.

Just a helpful hint for next time, don’t tell them you are shooting before you start shooting, it kinda ruins the effect. Sort of like telling the bank robbers you are coming to get them so they can get the hell out of the bank before you arrive.

So what if he didn’t hit any runways or operational aircraft. You try being a pilot when you have no cafeteria and no outhouse! On a positive note, at least he got to blow some stuff up and look like he is really getting it done. Not only that, but this will kill all those nasty rumours about Donald Trump being Putin’s pal. No one will believe that now.

I gotta say missile strikes make for some awesome tv and all those news outlets that you had previously called “fake news” are now with the program, and practically wetting themselves with excitement over the prospect of more death and destruction. Nice one Donald, this was reality tv at its’ best!

One more thing I am coming out with a new line of adult diapers for news anchors who wet themselves with excitement when watching military strikes. I am calling them “News Poopers”. Your welcome!