Hey gang, Donnie Drunkard coming at you from the real news source here at Bob’s Beer and Billiards. I gotta say, all this fake new is really getting me down. I have had to up my alcohol consumption just to cope with it (and some other stuff too).
So today’s topic is fake news, and man is there a lot of that going on! I just heard that the military is involved in sweeping up illegal immigrants. That is totally false, even though my guy Donald Trump said it was a “military operation” he was just kidding, he meant it could have been a military operation, but it really wasn’t, even if he said it was. Are we clear?
Here’s another one. I heard they are gonna put a 35% tax on Apple products coming into this country. That can’t be true! Sure Apple moved it’s headquarters to Ireland and it’s manufacturing to China, but they are still an American company. Am I right? Of course I am, there is nothing more American than Apple pie or in this case iPhones and stuff that have the word Apple on them. By the way, it would be a good idea if Apple changed their name to Apple Pie, so they can sound more American. Damn, I am smart. I get smarter with every beer I drink, and don’t you forget it.
Where was I? Oh yeah… fake news. How about that story that during the election campaign, Donald Trump’s staffers had complementary articles about him published in right wing news outlets, so they could print them out and show them to him, so he wouldn’t get all mad about stuff. Those articles weren’t fake, and I know ’cause you can’t print out fake stuff. If you can print it, it’s real. Am I right? You know I am! You can’t print out a news broadcast because it’s a video. Am I right?
Ok one final thought on fake news, before I pass out. Fake news is stuff we disagree with, and real news is what we agree with. Is that clear? You are welcome! As always, it takes a guy who is blasted off his gourd to tell you the truth (I mean me, not Donald Trump).
Have a great day and don’t listen to any fake news.