Master Class in Bullshitting

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Hello all, it’s your favorite geek, Fred Moople here.

I am always interested in learning, and having watched the “Trump Phenomenon” unfold, it has occurred to me, we have all missed an important aspect of our education: bullshitting for fun and profit. If you can bullshit your way into the presidency, the sky’s the limit!

As always, as your faithful servant, I have created a course for my loyal followers to release your inner bullshitter. Please review the synopsis below:

Section 1: Pumping Up

You have to learn how to make everything you have done (or someone else did that you can take credit for), sound like it is the most amazing thing that has ever transpired.

Here are a few helpful phrases:

I am really, really smart, believe me!

I have accomplished more in 3 weeks than some people do in a whole career!

No one was able to do this, except me. I inherited a mess and I fixed it.

Section 2: Making Promises

In this section you must make crazy promises that sound like you have magic powers to do what no one else has managed to do.

Again, a few helpful phrases.

I am God’s gift to the world. No one is better than me at getting things done!

I will make the best deals you have ever seen.

I will make you win more than you have ever won before.

I will build the best and biggest things ever.

Section 3: Fear Mongering to Manipulate

One of the best strategies for getting your way, is to scare people into believing they are under threat and only you can save them.

Only I can keep you safe from terrorism.

Crime is at an all time high, belive me, I will fix it.

Aliens are coming into our country in droves, we need to stop them

See how all that works, pretty cool eh?

Section 4: Repeating for Effect

The key to repeating for effect, it to choose a few stock phrases that resonate emotionally with the listener and then repeat them like they were handed down on tablets directly from God.

Try these:

I will do something, really really great.

We will get rid of the bad stuff and replace it with really, really good stuff.

We will make our nation great again.

We will bring back jobs and prosperity for everyone.

I told you, it’s easy when you know how!

Section 5: Dealing with Opposition

When you are a master bullshitter, some will buy into your crap, but there will be others who just don’t believe you (of course they won’t since you are full of it.). Don’t be deterred you can overcome opposition by disparaging individuals or whole groups of people.

Try these on for size:

She is a criminal and needs to go to jail.

The lying media is an enemy of the people.

What does he know, he is all shaky and goofy.

His wife is a loser and his dad was a traitor.

Summary

There you have it folks, a synopsis of the Fred Moople Master Course in Bullshitting. Believe me when I say, you can do this. You will do so much bullshitting you will get tired of bullshitting, but of course, you will continue because you will be a winner!

 

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