In the immortal words of Violet Crawley, “What is a weekend?”. With Old Harold’s retirement,…
Hey all my consumer friends! Good news! The Moople Academy for Advanced Learning has as brand new course series just for you, the rabid consumer!
Let’s face it, all this talk about being a good person, helping others and being the best person you can be is just cover for what we really want to do… get more cool stuff!
Finally a course that really speaks to the inner you.. the rabid consumer!
In this course, you will be assigned a personalized superhero name. We use cool names like:
- Big Fat Sloppy Stuff Hoarder
Learn how to stay in touch with your inner consumer with real affirmations like:
- “I consume to make myself happy and others jealous of my stuff”
- “More stuff.. more happy”
- “Realize your dreams.. get it all, keep it and then trash it”
- “I love stuff. Stuff is good. Stuff makes me happy”
- “You can’t have too much stuff”
- “Why settle for two bathrooms when you can have six?!!”
- “If you have no stuff, you are a loser!”
- “I am a commodity, you are a commodity, everything is a commodity!”
- “Whoever dies with the most stuff is just the bestest!”
Remember you are here on planet earth for only one purpose… to consume!
You need to feel real good about your unrelenting consumption. Get all the stuff you can before someone else gets your stuff!
That’s right, there is only so much stuff, so make sure you get as much as possible for yourself! If you have to rip off someone else’s stuff, so be it. If they are stupid enough to get ripped off, they deserve to lose their stuff.
We will teach you all the guilt-free ways to maximize your stuff! Which means of course, you will be maxi-happy!
In the advance course you will learn how to use social media to show everyone on the planet how happy you are with your new stuff.
- Post selfies of you with your cool duds, or cool makeup, or really neat retouched photos that make you look like a movie star.
- Get those holiday shots of you at a posh restaurant or a funky bar. Convince everyone that conspicuous consumption is the ultimate form of happiness!
- Make sure you have plenty of pics of that new auto and the new house.
- Every now and then you can show yourself doing something worthy like giving a homeless guy a dime. This helps to improve your image as a really successful person who has heart. The fact that you have no heart is irrelevant! You have stuff, lot’s of stuff!
- The important thing in all your pics is to convince others of how deliriously happy you are because of all the stuff you have and the things you get to do with it!
Don’t delay! Sign up today for these most valuable courses from The Moople Academy for Advanced Learning.
Remember! You are only as good as your last purchase!