Tweet like a Donald


Hey all my fans and trolls, it’s Donnie Drunkard coming at you from Bob’s Beer and Billiards, the home of the MOAB (Mother of All Beers). By the way I had a couple of those MOABs the other day and my head nearly exploded. They are awesome. Guaranteed to put you in rehab for a month.

To get back to the topic at hand, I have set up a social media center at the bar here at Bob’s Beer and Billiards because I want to help out my buddy Donald Trump with his tweeting. I just got myself a new smartphone and my fat drunk fingers are learning how to use it. Who knew they had the Internet on phones? Technology is amazing!

Ok tip number one: Never spill beer on your smartphone. I did that the other day and my phone started to do really weird stuff, like texting people random phrases. I sent my uncle Earl a text that said: “I want muffins up my nose”. Hope he doesn’t take that literally.

Tip number two: Never text or tweet when you are really really drunk. The other day I put up a tweet that said: “I like covfefe and it tastes good”. I don’t even know what that means!

Tip number three: Never send pictures of yourself when you are really, really drunk. That can get embarrassing, like the time I fell down the stairs drunk hit my head and texted my auntie a picture of me throwing up. She was not impressed.

Final tip: If you are communicating with the world primarily through twitter, you probably need to get a life. After all, I have way more to say than can be captured in 140 characters. This is particularly true when I am slurring my words.

I hope this has been helpful. See you at the bar real soon!



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