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Tweet like a Donald

Hey all my fans and trolls, it’s Donnie Drunkard coming at you from Bob’s Beer and Billiards, the home of the MOAB (Mother of All Beers). By the way I had a couple of those MOABs the other day and my head nearly exploded. They are awesome. Guaranteed to put you in rehab for a month.

To get back to the topic at hand, I have set up a social media center at the bar here at Bob’s Beer and Billiards because I want to help out my buddy Donald Trump with his tweeting. I just got myself a new smartphone and my fat drunk fingers are learning how to use it. Who knew they had the Internet on phones? Technology is amazing!

Ok tip number one: Never spill beer on your smartphone. I did that the other day and my phone started to do really weird stuff, like texting people random phrases. I sent my uncle Earl a text that said: “I want muffins up my nose”. Hope he doesn’t take that literally.

Tip number two: Never text or tweet when you are really really drunk. The other day I put up a tweet that said: “I like covfefe and it tastes good”. I don’t even know what that means!

Tip number three: Never send pictures of yourself when you are really, really drunk. That can get embarrassing, like the time I fell down the stairs drunk hit my head and texted my auntie a picture of me throwing up. She was not impressed.

Final tip: If you are communicating with the world primarily through twitter, you probably need to get a life. After all, I have way more to say than can be captured in 140 characters. This is particularly true when I am slurring my words.

I hope this has been helpful. See you at the bar real soon!


Donnie Drunkard stumbled into the Old Strathcona offices on his way to the bar and he has never left. Too bad we decided to put a keg in the coffee room. Donnie sees the world through an alcoholic haze, and is convinced that he is a stable genius.

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