unFair and unBalanced

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Hey gang, I have been missing in action for a while, I had a nasty reaction to a case of MOABs (Mother of All Beers) and had to be hospitalised for a week or so. Thanks to the staff at Bob’s Beer and Billiards for putting a stretcher in the men’s room so I had a place to recuperate. Now that I am back on my game, it’s time to address Fox News’ decision to drop their “Fair and Balanced” slogan.  I say go for it!

Why be fair and balanced in world that is unfair and unbalanced? If you can’t beat ’em join ’em! We should all be contributing our ideas for a cool new slogan. Don’t bother suggesting “Unfair and Unbalanced” that is way to obvious. We need to get more creative. After powering down 6 beer, I came up with a list of my own. Just a little warning, I had been drinking and this is my first cut. I may get my uncle Earl to help me edit my list but until then, here are my suggestions for the new Fox News slogan:

  • Bigotry is your friend
  • Humility is overrated, hate rocks!
  • Old and white, just like cheddar cheese
  • Democrats stink, Republicans rule
  • Fighting the war on Christmas and winning
  • Terrorist are coming to eat your children, more bombs, more bombs
  • Forget the facts, look over there
  • We don’t lie, we spin
  • Watch us for hot chicks

Ok that’s it so far. It is a work in progress, so cut me some slack.

I am thinking of starting my own agency to help folks rebrand themselves. That way they can claim they are “Donnie Drunkard Certified”.  I would be willing to review new slogans, mission statements and branding materials and if they don’t make me vomit (after 8 beer), they would get my approval. Sounds like a winner, does it not?

Feel free to contact me anytime at Bob’s Beer and Billiards, I will be on the last bar stool on the right. Until then stay unfair and unbalanced!

— DD

 

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Donnie Drunkard stumbled into the Old Strathcona offices on his way to the bar and he has never left. Too bad we decided to put a keg in the coffee room. Donnie sees the world through an alcoholic haze, and is convinced that he is a stable genius.

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