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Election Fever

In the next couple months we’ll be whipped into a frenzy by election fever. The Canadian Political Wrestling Federation will hold televised debates showing who can sling mud the fastest while ducking questions about trivial matters such as ethics, groping, and how to pay bills with unicorn farts. We will once again be treated to the special feeling of cheering our candidates until the poles close, two hours after the election has been decided. All this with the backdrop of a mediocre harvest for some and outright crop failure for others. A time for thanksgiving indeed.

In the shire of greater Lacombe, the Conservative candidate Blaine Calkins is the odds-on favorite to represent us again. Whether that’s in opposition or opposition to the opposition is yet to be determined. It will be interesting to see, however, it the government will further embrace trends to work from home and attend parliament and committees electronically, thus saving on travel expenses and greenhouse gas emissions. By the way, who coined the phrase ‘greenhouse gas emissions’? Greenhouses are typically filled with growing plants churning out oxygen, aren’t they? Parliament on the other hand seems to churn out carbon dioxide as morons capture oxygen while making decisions that affect all with unbalanced fairness.

If I might be so bold as to make a prediction. The Maritimes with their dependence on social programs will go red, Quebec will split between the block and red, the rest will be blue in rural ridings and cities under 100,000 and the bigger cities will go mostly red with a smattering of orange. Who will govern will be decided shortly after the poles close in Ontario and if there is a majority, it will be by the slimiest of margins.

I’m wondering what it would take for a clear majority as there’s been a lot of foul-smelling water under the bridge the last few years with questionable accounting by the accountable. What might appear to be good ammunition will, however, likely go off in opposition faces as they lead with offensives with what will likely be offensive to those they are trying to woo. In a world where some find logic in the illogical, I guess it’s fitting the dollar is no longer secured by gold, and the truth that matters is no longer absolute but defined by those in power.

Let the political mud wrestling begin. Old Harold has a sensitive gag reflex, so he’ll be avoiding all things political until election night.

Harold Splatt, a long time resident of Lacombe Alberta, provides us with his colourful commentary on life as he sees it.

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