As of November 12, 2022 the US midterm elections are still in doubt, even though…
Hey it’s your old Pal Donnie Drunkard and I am back and badder than ever!
I heard my pal Donald Trump is in a lot of serious legal trouble and I am here to help.
As an aside, you may have noticed that I have been quiet for a while – head injuries will do that to you. But hey, don’t worry, I am just as smart as ever. Getting drunk and tripping over an empty beer barrel on the way downstairs did impact me for a while, but I have bounced right back, just like I bounced off the basement floor!
I am ready to offer all of my profound legal expertise to help my old pal Donald Trump navigate the troubled waters he finds himself in.
As an aside, I have had to navigate my own troubled waters when my adult diaper let go during my fall down the stairs. Trust me it was not pretty, but hey there are no style points in stair diving.
Ok let’s get started. The first thing you have to do when the deep state attempts to trap you with all this legal stuff is to shut up! On second thought that may not be an option for my big orange buddy so just try not to admit you committed any crimes.
And if you are going to say something, just make up all kinds of bat crazy stuff that only your followers will believe and that way you can’t get pinned down on anything in particular.
As an aside, I was pinned down for two days under a beer keg after my freeform dive on the stairs, but hey that is a whole other story.
Lastly, just be sure you keep hiring and firing lawyers to delay things as much as possible and also launch as many frivolous countersuits as possible to further delay things.
If you follow all of my brilliant advice, you will be just as clever as me, since I am at near genius levels after 14 beers. Just ask anyone!
I hope this has been helpful, and as always I remain your faithful servant.
Donnie “Splat” Drunkard.