Hey all, Donnie Drunkard here comin’ at you from the media center at Bob’s Beer and Billiards.
I now have a sticky note on my bar stool that says “Media Center”. Just to clarify, I am not part of the “crooked media” or the “dishonest media”, I am the real deal ’cause I repeat everything that Donald Trump says word for word, because what he say is facts and even when he makes up facts, they are now new facts and the old facts aren’t facts anymore. Is that clear?
I get what Donald Trump says, ’cause I am drunk of my ass most of the time, so it’s completely believable. For you to get “Trump facts”, you just have to practice. I have a new program for learning how to say “new facts” instead of “old facts”. Here we go, try these: (say it with feeling!)
- The sky is orange (hey I have seen that!).
- Vladimir Putin loves puppies and children.
- Discrimination does not exist.
- Women like to be used and yelled at.
- Being a bully makes you a strong person.
- Hurling insults is really just another way of giving “tough love”.
- Climate change is just that, climate change, no need to worry since it can change back too.
See pretty easy isn’t it. Once you get started with those you can move to the advanced program. Try these:
- White is black.
- Lies are truth.
- Bombs make you strong.
- You can kill your way to a better world.
- Being rich means you are right all the time.
- Anybody who disagrees with me is wrong, stupid and a jerk.
You see what I mean? It really isn’t that hard, you just have to practice. By the way, it helps to drink a lot, since you can convince yourself of anything when you are totally blasted.
I am a master a press conference since I just agree with whatever gets said. Pretty simple huh? No need for confrontation when you just learn how to accept the new facts.