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How to Rule the World – Help for Donald Trump

Hello all, once again it’s me Donnie Drunkard coming straight at you from the strategy room here at Bob’s Beer and Billiards. The washroom was full so I have set up my risk game on table #6 near the bar, so I won’t have to go to far for my next beer.

You may be wondering why I am talking about the Risk board game. Simple, it is the best way to learn about how to rule the world and my guy Donald Trump needs my help and advice on how to get that done.

So let’s review the four rules of world domination:

  1. Might makes right!
    • If you have more military strength you are “righter” than countries with less.
  2. You have a right to take their stuff.
    • Just because they got to a territory first doesn’t mean the “stuff” is all theirs, does it?  In the modern version of the game the “stuff” is oil and other natural resources. Once you take them over you get all the stuff!
  3. Pretend you care.
    • Not really part of the game. However if naked greed is a bit unpalatable, you can add some spin by saying your are dominating a country because you care about freedom, democracy and justice. That adds a nice veneer of caring to your unbridled aggression.
  4. It’s all about Winning
    • In the end, no one likes a loser, so be a winner. Dominate the world and take all their stuff, then you get to feel like a winner and furthermore blame the one’s you took over for their own losses as if they were the cause of it all. This makes you not only a winner but blameless for all the carnage you may have caused. Pretty cool eh?

There you go and remember in Risk there is only one winner and that is who you want to be. Sure the rest of the world has to lose for that to shake out, but once you have all their stuff you will be too busy golfing and vacationing to care.

As always, I remain your faithful servant and chief strategist.

— DD


Donnie Drunkard stumbled into the Old Strathcona offices on his way to the bar and he has never left. Too bad we decided to put a keg in the coffee room. Donnie sees the world through an alcoholic haze, and is convinced that he is a stable genius.

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