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Making Sh*t Up!

Hello all my fans and other losers, it’s Donnie Drunkard coming almost straight at you from under the table at Bob’s Beer and Billiards. When I am stretched out down here on the floor I have time to think and I just realized something fantastic! You can make a living out of just making sh*t up. Gone are the days when you had to check the truth of anything. You just keep repeating the same old crap and as long as it appeals to the biases or bigotry of your audience, you are a winner!

I have watched in amazement how my pals on the right have managed to create or build careers while spewing complete nonsense. This is the best earning opportunity I have ever seen! Prior to these days, it was assumed you had to have some expertise or knowledge of some kind, now the only skill you need is to say complete crap while looking like you are giving people the absolute unvarnished truth and that you are completely committed to it. That is great. I can throw away all my old textbooks and forget about having to do research. This is so much easier!

All I have to do is work on my ability to be sincere. There is an old joke that goes like this:

“The secret to success is sincerity, once you can fake that you’ve got it made!”

My pals on the right have totally nailed that. Nice one guys, you have relieved us all of the pain of actually having to do our homework. I, for one, have always hated homework. Now, who needs it! We are in the new age of making sh*t up!

The beauty of just making sh*t up is that if you have said one thing a month ago and then say the opposite thing today… nobody notices! Let’s face it, when you are making sh*t up it really doesn’t matter. All you have to do is be super earnest and sincere in your presentation.

If some twit points out your obvious hypocrisy, you just accuse him of bias or unfairness or not being focussed on what you are saying now. Of course you are always right even if you are never right. What a great system!

Once again a big tip of my hat (if I can find it) to all my right wing pals who have created a whole new genre that is fun and profitable too!

Just to get in a little practice I have started my own media blitz, here is what I will be saying (and repeating ad nauseum)

  • Beer is good for you, the published science says so because of all the cool nutrients in beer
  • Falling on your face is a form of exercise and you can do it too. Get my new DVD “Bar Face Exercises” for only 19.95 plus shipping and handling.
  • People who criticize your non-stop drinking are snowflakes who just don’t know how to relax and have fun.
  • It is a proven fact that you get smarter with every beer. Once I hit 8 pints, I am a stable genius!
  • Voting for the party with the best slogans always gets you the best government. Facts are for losers!

Ok that’s all for now, see you at the bar, where all the smart people hang out!

— DD




Donnie Drunkard stumbled into the Old Strathcona offices on his way to the bar and he has never left. Too bad we decided to put a keg in the coffee room. Donnie sees the world through an alcoholic haze, and is convinced that he is a stable genius.

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