Hey all my white friends and you other losers, it’s me Donnie Drunkard coming almost straight at you from Bob’s Beer and Billiards, the home of the all white muffin.
It has been a while since I put pen to paper to rescue my old pal Donald Trump from the trouble he gets into by tweeting or opening his mouth, but I am here now to deliver my useful and profound help.
I watched the last press conference where my pal Donald Trump invented the ALT-Left. It’s about time someone called out these leftist losers for standing in front of moving cars. Hey dummies that is dangerous! You need to get the heck out of the way so when the neo-Nazi bus comes by it doesn’t run you over!
Now, just to set the record straight, I am not a Nazi and I don’t even play one on TV! But hey everybody has a right to protest, don’t they? Those Nazi guys are just playing around, they don’t really mean it (I think). After all, we figured out a long time ago that the whole Nazi thing was messed up. Most of these guys just like to dress up, carry torches and wave flags like I did when I was 8 years old. I am sure those guns they are carrying aren’t even loaded. So the whole thing is just a fun game of dress-up. Am I right? You know I am!
Anyhow, to get to the point about helping my buddy Donald Trump. You can’t say you support those Nazi Mr. dressups, but you can claim you stand up for freedom of speech and the right of assembly. Am I right? You know I am! Just pretend it is Hallowe’en and those clowns are dressing up for a fun night of trick or treating. You know I am right, don’t you?
You can tolerate just about any behaviour if you pretend it ain’t real. So to my pal Donald Trump I say, just keep pretending it is all make believe (kind of like your whole presidency) and everything will work out just fine.
One more thing, I am available to serve on the manufacturers counsel if you chose to reinstate it. I have been manufacturing all kinds of crap for years. You can count on me to tell you how to make all the best crap!