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Why I love Donald Trump

Ok, so I was at the bar last night, like I am every night and I am into my 14th beer, then I hear this guy Donald Trump talking and I am thinking, hey he sounds just like me! He speaks my language ’cause believe me I know how it feels to be the only guy in the room (or the bar in my case) who can solve all the problems of the world.

Many a night I have told the boys, if I was running things, things would be different and everybody would be rich and there would be no crime and my mother would like me again! Some may call it arrogance, but it is just me and my pal Donald Trump believing that the sun really does shine out of our asses. We are ordained to be the greatest! He did it with his Dad’s money and I did it with alcohol. But anyway you slice it, we speak the same language.

But do they listen to me? No! They treat me like some drunken idiot who is so gonzoed that he thinks he knows everything, which of course I do. (I mean I know everything, not that I am really, drunk or something).

Me and my pal Donald are so smart because we watch a lot of tv. We know stuff because we are always tuned into awesome information sources like Fox News. I know some may say they are right wing loonies, but me and Donald are sure they are telling the truth even when the facts don’t support them. They create their own facts. That’s what makes them so awesome.

So to get back to my original point, I hear this Trump guy going on and on and I am thinking, wow, he gets all my stuff. I have been saying all of that for years between trips to the guys washroom and puking in the alley. Finally, someone who can stand up and speak for all of us who have been saying this for years, and I am not saying it, just ’cause I am drunk, I really really mean it.

Sure my wife left me three years ago, but what the hell does she know, she doesn’t even listen to me when I would come home blasted out of my gourd and expect dinner to be on the table. It’s a guys world right (don’t listen to the idiot who writes the editorials here, he thinks women aren’t here to serve us, which of course they are).

So bring it on Mr. Trump, I salute you, or I would salute you, but I lose my balance when I stand up, so I will raise a glass to you instead.

Oh, and one more thing… Fred Moople sucks!

Donnie Drunkard stumbled into the Old Strathcona offices on his way to the bar and he has never left. Too bad we decided to put a keg in the coffee room. Donnie sees the world through an alcoholic haze, and is convinced that he is a stable genius.

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